NEWS
COM Student Submits Final Project Entirely Shot on Nintendo…
College of COM- William Luigi (COM’22) has an important announcement to make. Dissatisfied with big budget blockbuster films, Luigi is …
LIFESTYLE
‘Laundry is a Choice’ and Other Tips for Freshmen
The school year is here once again. As incoming freshmen make their way to campus to gum up the works …
OPINION
Construction Worker Tired of Fixing Comm Ave Instead of…
Listen, guys- I’m a simple man. My favorite ice cream is vanilla bean, extra bean on a rough day. My …
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OTHER NEWS
Student Hopes ATM Has a Good Day Too
BANK OF AMERICA—At 1:47PM yesterday, sources report that BU freshman Brock Lee (SHA ‘22), flattered by the Warren ATM’s “have a good day” message at…
100 Bay State Staff Getting Real Sick And Tired Of Student With Hooks For Hands
BAY STATE ROAD—Since the start of the semester, employees working the register at 100 Bay State Road have become increasingly fed up with one student…
Girl with Crush on Professor Plays Hard to Get: Drops Class
CAS—After three weeks of class, English Major, Jenna Pinksley (CAS '17), dropped her Victorian Lit. class to improve her GPA and let her hot professor…
FBI Raids Office of President Brown’s Lawyer, Finds Missing Dining Hall Bananas
BOSTON—Early this morning, during a raid of the office of Boston University President Robert Brown’s attorney, Doland T. Loyer, FBI agents found thousands of bananas,…
FitRec Guy With Big Muscles Asserts His Superiority Over FitRec Guy With Slightly Smaller Muscles
FITREC—Reports have confirmed that a guy with big muscles at FitRec can lift five more pounds on the arm curl machine than a guy with…