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THE WEEKLY BUPDATE —- ZOOM CLASS OR MONASTERY? THIS BREAKOUT ROOM IS COMPLETELY SILENT —- RHETT BENCH HAS SEEN TOO MUCH, TAKES TEMPORARY LEAVE —- ANTHROPOLOGY MAJOR ACTUALLY “HATES PEOPLE,” SOURCES SAY —- LAUNDRY DAY: STUDENT WASHES OUTFIT THEY WORE FOR ENTIRE SEMESTER
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Students Must Now Show Green Badge To Get Into Huge Allston Parties

December 17, 2020 0

ASHFORD STREET–In a joint email on Thursday, Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore and that guy you don’t remember adding on Snapchat, Chadwick Bradley (CAS ‘21),…

Campus

SHA Student Lands Internship As President Brown’s Butler

December 14, 2020 0

SLOANE HOUSE—President Brown recently announced that he has selected a candidate to fill the position of his Spring 2021 Butler Intern. The internship, in which…

Campus

New Study Abroad Sends Students To Quarantine Housing

December 9, 2020 0

One of the many downsides of the COVID-19 pandemic has been the cancellation of study abroad programs. Juniors across BU–and sophomores in ENG–are devastated that…

Campus

Freshman Discovers Nihilism, Thinks He’s The Only One Who Understands How Bad The World Is

December 4, 2020 0

In a world filled with atrocities and the depravity of mankind, only one student has found out the only way to make sense of it…

Campus

BU Fraternity Members Embark On New Experiment To Gaslight The Coronavirus Away

December 3, 2020 0

Since the beginning of the pandemic, BU has prided itself on contributing new research to help get rid of the coronavirus. As such, Boston University…

Campus

Long-Distance Relationship With Girl From Home Swapped For Long-Distance With Girl From Towers

November 30, 2020 0

Proud Iowan turned Jet-setting flirt Kaden Khak (CFA ’24) recently announced that he was calling it quits with high-school sweetheart Erin Parr. “It was a…

Campus

Man Falls In Love With Patient Connect Portal

November 20, 2020 0

THE WORLD WIDE WEB– While all BU students log onto the Patient Connect Portal every day to complete their daily screening surveys, one student has…

Campus

Rhett Bench on Refusing to Wear a Mask: “Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give a Damn”

November 17, 2020 0

BAY STATE ROAD–Controversy swirls this week around the infamous Rhett Bench, who, throughout the entirety of quarantine, has yet to be seen wearing a mask.…

Campus

Red/Green Colorblind Security Guard Struggling

November 17, 2020 0

STUVI 2– Recently, BU has implemented a policy of showing security guards your ‘green badge’ upon swiping into residence halls. However, for one security guard,…

Campus

New Technology Reveals Private Zoom Messages Taken from BU Classes

November 12, 2020 0

With Zoom, passing notes is a thing of the past. With the new model of hybrid classes, both in-person and remote students use Zoom. This…

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