Photoshopped by Emmie Phillips (COM '22)
Lauren Kelmar (COM '21)

Lauren is a sophomore from Palo Alto, CA studying Journalism.

MARSH PLAZA—Sources report that 98 pound freshman Skindiana Bones (ENG ‘22) was seen flying away when a massive wind gust swept him off his feet at 2PM last Thursday.

“It was the weirdest thing,” said eyewitness Jen Miller (CAS ‘20), who was walking to class when she saw Bones flying through the air. “I didn’t even think the wind was that strong but within seconds, this guy was knocked down, swept into the air, and whisked out of sight.”

Student Health Services doctor Una Vailable explained that while Bones was unusually thin for his height, clocking in at about 6’0 and 98 pounds, the 7 mph winds shouldn’t have been able to take him away.

“Yeah, I don’t know how that happened,” Vailable said “It was almost like he was being suctioned up into the sky. He tried to hold onto one of those flags bragging about a student who studied ebola in Africa but ended up ripping it to shreds.”

Bones’s friend Cameron Barkley (ENG ‘22) told The Bunion that no one has heard from Bones for a few days and people are starting to get concerned. “We don’t know where he could be or how to find him,” Barkley said. “He could be anywhere by now.”

At press time, sources report seeing Bones flown as a kite on Marsh Plaza.

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