CAS THINK TANK—In a noble act of bravery, sources report that chemistry major Steven Smith (CAS ‘22) was sitting in the College of Arts and Sciences Think Tank for a full eight hours this past Saturday working on his first ever 500 word essay.

“It’s a lot harder than you’d think,” Steven Smith (CAS ‘22) told The Bunion as he typed his 100th word of the day— his goal before taking a well deserved break. “I didn’t think I could do it. But I’ve made some really great progress so far!”

His roommate (who has chosen to remain anonymous) expressed to our reporters that they weren’t even sure Smith knew 500 words, describing him as “more of a numbers guy.”

We reached out to some of Smith’s fellow classmates, who also appeared to be struggling with the assignment to write a personal free response to the question: ‘What is important to you?’

“It’s stupid that we have to write this stupid paper in the first place,” Evan Brick (ENG ‘22) complained. “It’s all because of this stupid Hub. What the hell does ‘Aesthetic Exploration’ even mean?”

Bunion reporters worked diligently to find an answer to Brick’s question, but alas, it seems no one truly understands the Hub.

At press time, Smith’s essay remained incomplete.

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