The Boston University Terriers tied with the Northeastern University Huskies on Friday in one of the most exciting games of the college hockey season. Over six thousand students filled the bleachers of Agganis Arena to attend the face-off between the two rival teams, including… a girl?
“I’m here to watch the game,” the girl, whose name The Bunion will not print out of fear for her safety, told us. “Actually, I’m trying to watch right now, so if you don’t mind…”
But The Bunion minds. We have a responsibility to our readers and the BU community as a whole, so we continued to investigate this strange phenomenon. Luckily, The Bunion’s senior investigative reporter, Jonathan Applebaum (COM ’19) was on the scene.
Here is the interview between Applebaum and this weird girl:
JA: Why are you here? Are you aware that this is a sports game?
GIRL: What? Yeah, I’m aware. I’m a hockey fan.
JA: Oh, I see. Is your boyfriend one of the players? Are you here to support him?
GIRL: No, my boyfriend is not one of the players.
JA: Is your boyfriend here with you, then?
JA: Your dad?
GIRL: My dad? Are you serious?
JA: A policeman?
GIRL: No, I just like hockey.
At this point in the interview, a goal was scored. The girl looked around and expressed confusion as to why people were cheering.
JA: People are cheering because our team just scored a goal. Goals are those big nets and the players shoot the puck into the goal to get points. Points are how—
GIRL: I know how hockey works. You’re making me miss the game.
JA: Oh, you know how hockey works? Prove it. What’s that?
JA: Lucky guess. What’s player number 7’s least favorite song by Billy Joel?
GIRL: What? How should I know Defenseman Chad Krys’ least favorite song by Billy Joel?
JA: It’s “Uptown Girl,” you faker! He doesn’t like it because he thinks it lacks the same poetic quality of the rest of Billy Joel’s discography! You’re a fake fan! Faker!
At this point, the entire arena began chanting “Faker! Faker!” along with Jonathan until the girl was forcibly removed from the building.
“While this was definitely just an isolated incident, it also probably wasn’t,” Johnathan reported. “With the #MeToo movement, it seems that girls are determined to ruin everything fun out there these days, like sports and also harassing girls. Please, dear Bunion readers, be careful out there.”
And, most importantly, if you see a girl at a hockey game without her father, boyfriend, or a policeman present, get that faker out of there!