WARREN DINING—In their effort to become the most popular dining hall, Warren Dining will capitalize on the monumental success of blaring random songs no one’s listened to in five years with a new tactic: serving food that is actually FDA-approved.
“When I first walked into the dining hall and heard they were playing music, I got so excited,” said Lou Z. Müzik (SHA ‘22). “Now that they’re serving actual food, I plan on going to Warren for every meal!”
After their third time playing Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone, sources confirm that the entrance line was triple that of Lobster Night’s, reaching all the way back to the C Tower stairwell and up to the seventh floor. Students now eagerly anticipate listening to 2012 hit Gangnam Style by Psy while eating orange chicken stir-fry that actually contains chicken.
“Three billion views on YouTube was nothing compared to the news that three hundred students will hear Gangnam Style while eating their carne asada that can really be digested,” said Psy in an exclusive interview. “Now that Warren is playing my music and serving edible food, I’m considering coming back for my Master’s.”
Psy was briefly enrolled in Questrom in 1996 before transferring to Berklee, for the very reason that Berklee had superior dining halls.
“Mom, I’m famous again!” Psy added.
At press time, Warren’s lines had gotten so long that they had to hire Dean Elmore as a bouncer.