It is time as a society that we come together and acknowledge a simple truth: Zach Galifianakis is hot. Yes, the one from The Hangover. It is 2021. The era of twinks is over. Move over, Chalamet, ‘cause Zachary is here to stay. 

Zack Gallafinnickfox is an icon. His performance in 2008’s cinematic masterpiece, The Hangover, is one for the ages. He was The Man in Hollywood reigning from 2008 to 2013. He was even tattooed on the singer of the hit 2011 jam “Tonight Tonight” by Hot Chelle Rae!

In addition to being a legend, Zaccy G is an attractive fellow. He’s a certified Short King at 5’7 with flowing locks of (almost) auburn hair and a rugged beard. He’s like a quirky, sexy gnome-lumberjack. 

Mr. Galileonachos is not just desirable for his looks, but for his talent. He has won two Emmys, one SAG award, one Critics Choice award, and the coveted MTV Movie Awards golden popcorn. He created and hosts the critically acclaimed program, Between Two Ferns, which is that one show your uncle won’t stop sharing screencaps of on Facebook. He is an actor, a writer, a director, a producer, a dancer, and a libra. Zachariah is a true renaissance man. 

I am aware that Zachy-poo is married. Ugh. I know, okay!? Mrs. Geronimotax is a very lucky woman, and the fact that he is in a committed relationship makes him even hotter. It shows that he is a serious man and not to mention, a DILF. Now, who doesn’t like a DILF? 

However, this is not about my personal love for Zak Galaxyandroids21. This is about realizing what a heartthrob he has been for the last 13 years! But, it is worth noting that he did star in five episodes of the show Boston Common in 1997, so basically he knows his way around town which makes our eventual meet-cute so much more realistic. 

In conclusion, we cannot let this injustice go on. We need to acknowledge that Zach Gallbladdero’mattress is objectively hot. He should have been Sexiest Man Alive instead of Blake Shelton and his neckbeard (Gwen, what are you thinking!?). Members of the G-Force, the collective fanbase for Zach, demand that it is time to appreciate him. Zachary Knight Galifianakis, which is seriously his full name, is hot. 

Comments

  1. Thank you for this hilarious and nice article. As a portly man of 35 with 5’8” of height, it made me feel a lot better about the myriad of people, most recently my doordasher, who said “No offense, but do people tell you you look like Zach Galifianakis?” Yes sir, yes they do, and thats cool, he’s a really funny guy.

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