GSU—Reports indicate that last Friday you bumped into your friend Albert from Shaker High School for the first time since orientation. While recently sitting with a new group of friends at a table in the dining hall, Albert, who you’ve known for over four years now, resisted making eye contact with you for as long as possible, sources confirm.

“It’s just Al, now,” said Albert, one of your good friends from Upstate New York. “How have you been?” he asked disinterestedly, looking awkwardly around the room and carelessly forgetting to introduce you to his new friends. Sources say you noticed his slick new haircut and faded jeans. Analysts have yet to confirm whether he’s always had that diamond earring.

You told him about how you tried and failed to contact him on several occasions, eyewitnesses say. “My phone’s been acting weird,” he said, before silencing his ringtone as he received an incoming text.

Albert, who apparently doesn’t really like Magic: The Gathering anymore all of a sudden, spoke so quietly that he could barely be heard when you invited him to hang out and play a game or two, like old times.

“Yeah, yeah – absolutely,” he said, after you suggested that the two of you do something else. “I’ll call you once I get my phone fixed.”

As Albert turned back to his new friends, you stood around by the table waiting for an invitation to sit, but none was offered, sources say. Eventually, you left and found somewhere to eat by yourself, confident that Al would call when he was less busy.

At press time, he still hasn’t called.

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