BOSTON UNIVERSITY — In the last few weeks, The Pinky Toe has received several reports of a male student walking around campus and telling masked women that they “need to smile more.”

“I mean, obviously it’s insulting,” said Cassie Johnson (COM ‘23), a student who witnessed one such exchange.  “But put that aside for a moment.  He can’t see anybody’s face.  I’m just confused, really.”

Unsurprisingly, the male student in question, Hugh J. Irk (CAS ‘22), also felt the need to weigh in.  

“Ever since this whole pandemic-thingy started, nobody smiles at me on the street anymore,” he said.  “I thought if I told them to smile, they’d…uh…be less sad about the pandemic!  Yep!  That’s why. It’s definitely not about me needing constant attention from strangers on the street.”

“I thought it might cheer people up,” Hugh J. Irk continued, “but instead it just seems to be making everyone really, really mad.”

At press time, Hugh J. Irk was seen mansplaining to an SHS worker that masks are ineffective anyway.

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