Opinion Editorial: Rod Butcher

I’m pretty sure we can all agree that a visit to a Dining Hall is usually a highlight in the day of a BU student. What with the delicious and labeled food, the table layout that is idealized for the overall feng-shui associated with the college lifestyle, and the fun conveyer belts – Its easy to say that Dining Halls are a consistent source of good times and lasting memories for all.

With that in mind, I feel almost ashamed to admit it, but every once in a while I find myself frustrated in a Dining Hall. I know, imagine that, but it’s true! When I’m in a Dining Hall sometimes strangers walking in front of me will randomly decide to change directions and walk right into me as if I wasn’t there! But I was there! So like, what’s up with that?

The other day someone startled me by changing directions in front of me and caused me to drop the fork I was carrying. They forced me to dirty a fork! How I am supposed to deal with that? Do I pick up the fork and carry it along to my table? What if I accidentally eat with it and develop a severe floor-related mouth-illness? Am I supposed to walk the fork to the conveyer belt? What if someone sees me doing that and thinks I’m a lunatic who doesn’t use plates or napkins and just eats with a fork out of their hands? I hope you are beginning to understand the gravity of this unfortunate phenomenon.

After carefully deliberating on this I have decided that perhaps there may be a few situations in which I would be okay with someone turning around right in front of me. So, if you find yourself in the class of person who changes direction in front of strangers here are some things you can do to keep the Dining Halls a safe and frustration-free environment.

1. As you turn around yell, “AHHH! I think I left the stove on!”.

We’ve all been there and it’s
widely accepted that the fear of preventable house fires is a valid fear to
have (Pro tip: This works even if you don’t actually have
a stove).

2. Make it about true love.

If you say, “I don’t care what my friends think, Monica, Im coming back for you!” before you about-face, people will surely be accepting of your decision regardless of if you bowl them to the ground in the process. Perhaps if you’re convincing enough there may even be an applause break like in that one episode of Ned’s Declassified where Ned finally decides to tell Moze how he feels. That’d sure be neat.

3. Imply a zombie apocalypse.

What’s one thing that no one would blame you running away from? Zombies. Feel free to be creative with this one, use ketchup as fake blood, scream, warn everyone, really just go all out and have a good time!

By using any of these three simple ideas you can ensure that Dining Halls remain a positive and inviting experience for all regardless of your random direction changing habits! This is actually a problem that other people have, right?

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