ALLSTON — On Friday night during another Allston crawl, one studious Questrom student set out to try and charm the many COM students in the basement.

“I did my research,” said Mark Markson. (QST ‘24) “They really seem to love Wes Anderson movies, crystals, and zodiac shit. I just gotta hit ’em with one of those and I’m sure they’ll be talking to me all night.”

When asked what his conversation of choice would be, Markson said “I just gotta say that I’m a rising Cauliflower and that my Mercury is in Gatorade or whatever and I’m sure it’ll work.” Markson had previously downloaded Co-Star to conduct some research to prepare for Friday night. He spent about 20 minutes looking at the app before deciding to delete it, confident in his skills.

At 11:56PM (EST), Markson attempted to use his charm on one Molly Jenson (COM ‘25) in the corner of the basement. Having talked to her for only five minutes, he decided to make his move.

“Hey what’s up, I like Wes Anderson movies too and yeah my Mercury was in Gatorade or whatever,” said Markson, confidently. He was met with instant success.

“Wow, that was so awesome of him to say that,” Jenson stated when asked about her reaction to Markson’s pickup attempt. “I couldn’t wait to start talking about our compatibility for a few hours. I really liked it!” 

However this spark between the two students was too short-lived. Once Markson began to shortly devolve into talking about crypto for an hour, Ms. Jackson cut it off between the two of them.

Concurrently, one student in the same basement tried to seduce a philosophy major by talking about Socrates and Plato. Early reports are that it was successful and the two had been talking for hours.

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