Photoshopped by Michael Yue (CAS '23)
Thomas Silver

Tom is a freshman from the NYC area studying Linguistics in CAS. He likes maps.

COMM AVE – Honking, swearing and a general sense of chaos filled the air along Comm Ave this weekend as BU proudly hosted the 13th Annual Johnnie Walker Memorial Jaywalking World Championship. 20 competitors from around the world converged on BU’s campus to brave a treacherous course across the street.

At the sound of the starting honk, the J. Walker Championship competitors sprinted across the first stage of the course without looking. This stage featured the jerk that lays on the horn when he’s 300 yards away from the crosswalk, a handful of deep potholes, and some random construction equipment.

The ding-ding-dinging of a deceptively slow-moving T marked the beginning of the second stage. The competitors confronted the most physically demanding part of the course, the fence along the tracks. Spectators cheered, and then screamed as the T suddenly sped up for no reason and emitted its ear-splitting honk before eliminating 11 competitors. Flatton Dundertea, the fan favorite from Accident, Maryland, was among those smushed.

The third, and most difficult stage, required the courageous athletes to zig-zag all over the road, dodging BU students, many of them drunk, on skateboards, bikes, hoverboards, and heelies. That asshole driver who speeds up when she sees pedestrians in the road also played a prominent role in this part of the competition. These obstacles, combined with falling bricks from construction and falling bars of gold from President Brown’s private jet, eliminated eight contestants.

The winner, Crossi Rhode, the only Bostonian contestant, offered her deepest condolences to the other competitors’ loved ones in this difficult time.

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