Statistically (yes, I’m citing real statistics. I kind of miss it, actually. I’m a Film and TV major and I haven’t written a paper in a year), men are 7.5 times more likely to become “problem gamblers” than women (source: BBC News).
But I’m here to prove the BBC wrong. Clearly they didn’t take into account the amount of things I put into my body (that may or may not wreak havoc on my digestive system) every single day. Here’s my comprehensive list:
- Dairy—look, this might be a controversial one to put on here. But why do humans keep cows in a perpetual state of pregnancy, drink the substance that is meant for cow-babies, and then wonder why their stomach hurts? I’m not psychotic enough to drink plain glasses of milk, and I don’t understand why milk propaganda is so heavy-handed in health recommendations. However, I do eat a lot of cheese…and sometimes, the cows take their revenge.
- Eating raw things—oh, how I wish I meant vegetables. Alas, I do not. I really enjoy eating raw cookie dough. Sometimes, I buy the whole package, and I have the intention to bake it. But then, day by day (or in one high night), I end up nibbling on the cookie dough until the whole thing is gone. I can’t be alone in this, because some companies are starting to advertise their cookie dough as safe to eat baked AND raw. Evidently, it’s not entirely safe, because I have eaten packages of those, and it has come back to bite me later.
- Coffee—yeah, a lot of people experience this. Drinking coffee at the wrong time can be really…inconvenient. I know it’s not just me, because I’ve seen those shirts that say “I drink coffee and then shit happens.” People are the worst.
- Alcohol—I never really know what it’ll do to me. Drinking can truly be a gamble. Sometimes it comes back up, sometimes it goes through too fast. Sometimes it gets me drunk, sometimes it doesn’t. I have learned one thing, though: don’t eat buffalo cauliflower “wings” before you drink a handle of vodka.
I guess I understand why gambling is addictive. I put at least one (if not more) of these things into my body on a daily basis. I suppose I could stop. And maybe I will. For now, I won’t. Who can blame me? Those holiday drinks are irresistible, even though the White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino is arguably the biggest gamble of all.
