BOSTON UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF LAW – CeCe Johansson (CAS ‘22) and her friends enjoy brunch together every Sunday, but this week is unlike any other: CeCe is planning to introduce her new boyfriend to her squad over mimosas.

“Honestly, my friends can be kind of ruthless, and they love to jump to conclusions about the guys I date,” said Johansson, who continued, “Their assumptions are definitely unfair, but then I started to think, they might even be unconstitutional!”

Johansson began spending long nights in the law library looking into the matter, and this is when she met Donna Taylor, a first year BU law student. Johansson and Taylor struck up a conversation, and Johansson decided to hire Taylor to defend her new boyfriend during this week’s brunch.

On her decision to hire a “defense attorney” for her new boyfriend, Johansson stated that she, “would rather go through legal channels to right the injustices of the situation” than use informal measures (though she did consider hiring a hitman to replace her friends’ mimosas with Sunny D and their eggs benedicts with foamy scrambled eggs from Warren Dining Hall).

“The brunch group’s actions are almost certain to violate the due process clause of the Fifth Amendment,” argued Taylor, who learned about the Bill of Rights five minutes ago in class. “I’m working on my opening statement now, and I just want to assure everyone that justice will be served.”

At press time, Johansson was seen serving her roommate with a subpoena for eating her leftovers.

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