STUDENT VILLAGE II—Sources confirm that four white girls sharing a StuVi II apartment are in desperate need of a night cradling a bottle of Pinot Grigio while watching “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

“Wine night is amazing; it’s so nice to put on sweats and spend time with my girls,” said Allison Phillips (COM’16). “I barely see them between sorority meetings and spending time with this guy that I sort of have a thing with.”

All of the girls agreed that that last week’s wine, which featured a cuddle puddle and gluten-free pizza, was a total success. Phillips confirmed that being “wine drunk is such a fuzzy drunk, it’s the best.”

Leaving the stresses of school behind, the girls immerse themselves in useless drama during wine night.  The drama includes that from their own lives as well as whatever is playing on the Bravo television network.

“We want everyone to know how much fun we’re having in our apartment,” said Kelly Williams (CFA’15). “Our floor-mates are totally jealous of us.”

At press time, all four girls were making a group effort to figure out a corkscrew.

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