Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21).

Since August, on-campus students have been getting tested for COVID every week. You can actually tell a lot about someone by their most frequently visited testing site. Here’s what your COVID testing site says about you:


You’re definitely a play-by-the-rules kind of person. You overuse the word hustle and probably are an Instagram “entrepreneur” or “influencer.” You don’t know how to enjoy life. Your nickname in your friend group (if you even have any) is probably “Buzzkill” and if it’s not, it’s because people call you that secretly because they’re afraid you’ll yell at them. You chose Agganis as your go-to COVID testing site because you hate when people are pleasant towards you. Also, your favorite movie is Wolf of Wall Street.

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You’re neutral. Your Bumble profile says you’re moderate and you’re the person in the group who can never make a decision on anything. You haven’t even decided on a major and you’re a senior. LfA has been hard on you because you struggle to decide whether you want to take your classes remotely or in person. You chose 808 as your COVID testing site because you’re always hanging out in the middle of campus and can’t decide whether to go to East or West campus.


You’re the coolest person ever, who everyone aspires to be: friendly, relaxed and you don’t take yourself too seriously. Being the life of the party isn’t easy, but you do it flawlessly. You chose Kilachand as your COVID testing site because you like the freedom of being able to roll a blunt during your COVID test if you need to. They’re readily pre-rolled, and all you have to do is show your green badge to get one. Hey, even if you have a yellow one, they’ll give you the joint just for trying your best. It’s hard to get an appointment here, but you wait up until midnight every week watching Healthway, waiting for appointments to open up. Kilachand is like a club and you’re on the elusive guest list. You know sticking a swab up your nose shouldn’t be a burden – you know how to make it fun. 


You don’t exist.

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