I would like to think I’m a good person. I say please and thank you, I smile at old people on the street, and I answer questions in class when my professor is clearly floundering in the silence. However, I can’t be all good; it’s too much weight for my petite shoulders to bear. My downfall is laughing when I shouldn’t. I’ve compiled the most horrendous moments.  

1. RIP Fefe

My roommate had a tiny, white doggy, Fefe (looked like Fluff poured on a small pile of leaves). My roommate loved her, and when Fefe died she broke the news to me just after I’d woken up… I was caught at a bad time. Here’s what happened: 

I wake to hear her voice.

Her: “My fluffy baby…” 

Sunlight streaming in my eyes.

Her: “May God rest her soul…” 

Brain reccounting my dream about Jason Segal singing for me. 

Her: “Was taken too soon…” 

Cold medicine hasn’t worn off yet. YKTV. 

You know what happened next. Sorry I laughed. Fefe was a great pet. 

2. A Vulnerable Moment Between Student and Teacher

Picture this: it’s the first 15 minutes of class. You’re getting acclimated to the tone of the day. A silly little music video plays on the board, a silly little student sings along, it’s all very silly. A little class convo sparks up, you zone out for a second. When you snap back, you hear the professor say, in the most deadpan voice ever, “I am not paid nearly enough by this institution.” You laugh. The vibes have been silly. They’re silly… right?? Wrong. Your professor looks disappointed, the students to your left and right pierce their eyes through your soul, and the walls start closing in. 

3. Dead Poets Society 

Robin was in it. I thought it was a comedy. 

4. During “Raise Your Glass” At The Frat House

Now, I’m not embarrassed about this one because frat houses are the metropolis of sin, but it was still humbling. Basically, the bridge of P!nk’s best song of her entire career strikes up and men scream, in an incredibly emotional way, “my glass is empty… that sucks!” I let out a little-bo-peep-of-a-laugh, which in another situation would’ve gone unnoticed… but the men in the room were too fragile to let it slide. I got shoulders turned on me, I felt locked out- ostracized like one of the pledges trapped under the floorboards. At the end of the day, though, it’s like P!nk says: “Why so serious?” 

5. High School Acapella Auditions, Baby 

I was the leader of my high school acapella group, and, as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility: I had to help run the auditions. “Create an inviting space,” they said. “Be kind,” they said. I’m sorry, everyone, but the reality is when someone comes in swinging with their rendition of “Payphone” by Maroon 5, pitched up about eight octaves, all bets are off. I didn’t want to laugh, but it was forced on me the moment mini Adam Levine waltzed into the room. I don’t think he heard. I hope he didn’t hear. He deserves better than to be a victim of my Joker origin story.  

I’m going to be completely transparent: it seems like I’m unapologetic because I’m not necessarily apologetic. A harmless giggle is an uncontrollable reaction to… I don’t know… society! Just because something goes against the grain doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Did I just uncover a deep-rooted American stigma? Haha, I’m like a genius- I mean… Yes, yes I did. 

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