Danya Trommer (COM '21)

Danya Trommer is a sophomore from Cherry Hill, New Jersey studying Advertising in COM. She spends her time doing standup, interviewing bands, and sacrificing goats.

WARREN DINING HALL—At 11:00 this morning, students and faculty alike witnessed the exodus of the dreadful pasta salad that had forcefully inhabited the space beside the waffle irons of Warren dining hall. Eyewitness accounts report seeing the Pasta Salad Vortex shoot towards the dumpsters, screeching “I must reunite with my brethren,” before diving into an interdimensional portal within the dumpster.

“There was a giant vortex, and a huge roar,” said Destinee Chylds (CAS ‘20) in an interview with The Bunion. “Then the Pasta Salad simply said ‘my time has come’ and flew out the entrance.”

Residents of Warren Towers are ecstatic that the Pasta Salad has returned to its own revolting dimension. “What was even in the pasta salad? Eggplant? Hatred? I never quite figured it out,” said Manny Dude (COM ‘19). “All I know is that it had a bad aura.”

The Biology department had been experimenting on the Pasta Salad in an effort to identify its origin, but results are still inconclusive. “We have no clue where that thing came from,” said Dr. Will Nye, a professor of Biology with a PhD in Pasta Studies. “It could be Hell, it could be some horrible alternate universe where people actually enjoy gross smelling pasta salad, we’re really not sure.”

Warren Dining hall attendees welcomed back the penne with open arms, despite only whole wheat being available today. “Whole wheat is better than whatever that haunted concoction was,” said Angelo Tagliatelle (CGS ‘21).

At press time, a student in Bay State reported a stray piece of zucchini inside her chicken broccoli alfredo engraved with the words “you’re next.”

Leave a Reply