WARREN TOWERS –This morning, after a series of loud and successful tests of the Warren Towers fire alarm system, the fire marshal announced plans to test the sprinkler system on each floor, and asks that students please ignore the disturbance.

“We’re happy to report that the fire alarms are in working order, and will continue to do their job of testing students’ tolerance levels,” said Mr. Warren Towers, head of the Warren Towers Board of Fire Safety and Annoyance. “However, we really need to make sure the sprinklers are functioning, because water will actually put out any fire that occurs.”

Sprinkler testing will begin on Friday, March 23rd at 9am and will run continuously and indefinitely. Students should expect the sprinklers in their rooms to spew sewage water for approximately twelve minutes, at which point the fire marshal will personally inspect each sprinkler.

When asked about potential water damage to students’ belongings, Towers assured Bunion reporters that there would be some, but that individual sacrifice is necessary in order to ensure the safety of all Warren Towers residents.

At press time, safety officers began setting off small fires in each room in order to monitor the reactivity of smoke detectors.

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