WARREN—Sources confirmed that new Dining Services employee Amanda McCullough really had to take a shit while working at the Warren Dining Hall mac and cheese station on Wednesday.
McCullough, who spent most of her shift trying to position her legs in a way that would allow her to “clench,” was reportedly unsure of how bathroom breaks work at her new place of employment.
“Do I just ask someone if I can go?” she was heard whispering as she sprinkled breadcrumbs on a dish of cheeseburger mac.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” a visibly distracted McCullough said to a student when asked to put hot sauce on the student’s mac and cheese.
McCullough proceeded to gingerly bend her knees to put the plate down before waddling over to the conveyor belt oven, instead of using her body like a normal person who did not need to take a shit at all.
“That girl looks like she really needs to take a shit,” said an unnamed student while eating a slice of pizza in line for mac and cheese. “Like, really bad. Oh man, that girl totally needs to take a shit. I don’t want her serving me mac and cheese! I mean, she needs to shit. Go take a shit, lady!”
When asked to comment, McCullough’s entire body tensed up and only moved from the neck up. “Is it hot in here?” she asked.
At press time, McCullough was seen exiting the woman’s bathroom, smiling.