By: Maggie Vatter (CAS ’22)

VATICAN CITY – Just this past Monday, the Vatican decreed that weed was okay and has henceforth been encouraging all clergy members to smoke marijuana to chill out a little. However, speculation has arisen (like Christ on Easter) that it is because of Pope Francis’ own little weed habit. 

TMZ has just recently released images of what appears to be Pope Francis hotboxing his famous “popemobile”. What is even more interesting is the fact that the Pope seems to not be wearing his typical all-white holy robe, but rather a robe-sized baja hoodie. While not entirely clear, it seems that the Pope was smoking out of a cross-shaped bowl.

Blaze be to Jesus!

“Pope Francis has always been a little more loose than my other bosses [former popes],” says Cardinal Lucius Fir. “It freakin’ rocks!” Cardinal Fir then quickly stepped away to repent for cursing.

To further support their commitment to accepting weed, the Vatican has launched a global campaign to rebrand what had been known as the “Devil’s Lettuce” to become “God’s Grass.”

The Bunion has reached out to the Papa for comment, but his spokespeople said that he was currently greened out and “talking to God.” 

To conservative Christian parents everywhere: it’s time to bring back your kid from Jesus camp – it’s okay for them to smoke weed now!

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