REGISTRAR’S OFFICE—Sources are reporting that Tuesday does not completely understand how it ended up getting the raw end of this class week’s schedule adjustment following Columbus Day, in which the regular Tuesday class schedule has been replaced with a Monday class schedule to make up for the the three-day weekend.

“Like, I don’t mean to complain, but what the hell is this shit?” said the visibly frustrated day of the week, one of seven. “So Monday decides to skip his shift this week, and they just let him have mine instead? How does that make sense? I was all ready to go and everything.”

“Students get a three day weekend, and Monday gets his regular day off and gets to take Tuesday’s spot instead. Sounds like everyone wins, right? Oh, except Tuesday will have to skip this week, do you think he’ll mind? No, screw Tuesday, who even cares about his feelings anyway?!”

“They’ve been pulling this shit for years,” added the day of the week which always occurs after Monday and before Wednesday.

“Every time Monday fucks things up, they think they can step all over ol’ Tuesday without asking permission or apologizing or nothing. Well, I’m not standing for this anymore.”

“Are they worried because Monday-Wednesday-Friday classes would only meet twice this week if they didn’t make this change?” added the 24-hour period of time. “What about Tuesday-Thursday classes? This means they’ll only meet once! And midterms are right around the corner! Midterms!”

“Midterms,” Tuesday softly added.

At press time, Tuesday was spotted at Tavern in the Square with Friday and Saturday trying to get its mind off of things.

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