MARSH PLAZA—Sources confirmed that Tuesday is pulling out all of the stops to prove that it could be a better Monday than Monday itself.

“It’s my time to shine, woo! I’m in Monday’s shoes! I’m like Joe from Blue’s Clues, taking over late in the game, less of the same, more of the new, you can’t step with the Tues!” rapped Tuesday as it passed out free Red Bull samples to strangers on Comm Ave.

“The way I see it, Monday’s out: old news, dead. If Garfield doesn’t like you, I don’t like you! Odie sucks! Tuesdays for life!” continued Tuesday.

Tuesday’s efforts have come across to some as overzealous and misguided.

“Yeah we get it Tuesday you can do just as much as Monday, we all could though and there’s no reason to be a jerk about it!” stated Jake Freely (SHA ’20). “Give Monday a break, that dude’s had a tough life.”

“I get it, you know. Days’ll say some pretty wack stuff to try to roll with the weekend,” shared Friday. “But if you think taking the piss outta Monday is gonna win us over, you’re tripping. That’s low hanging fruit.”

“Besides, Monday’s a good dude, we even let it in the weekend occasionally. Monday makes the best hummus, everybody knows that,” finished Friday.

At press time, Sunday could be seen breaking it to a heartbroken Tuesday that Monday will be back next week.

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