CAS—Joshua Long (CAS ’19), probably with a flourish of his ornate quill, recently finalized all of the paperwork to officially transfer to BU.

After Long’s previous institution didn’t quite satisfy all of his fancy little whims, he surveyed lands far and near for a more suitable one. According to Long, “After merely a semester at that absolutely ghastly excuse for a university, I knew it was time to pack my belongings and take my potential elsewhence!” According to sources close to Long, his previous school was of equal prestige to BU.

Long’s attitude hasn’t changed since arriving at BU. A representative from the housing office claims that Long was particularly demanding when it came to choosing his dorm. “He stormed into the president’s office and shouted, ‘These shall be my lodgings!’ I didn’t really know what to do with that request.”

“He’s always strutting around in his little coat, making grand statements about the estate he’ll rightfully inherit, and then giggling. It really disrupts the flow of class,” remarks Dr. Graham Robinson, Long’s economics professor. The Bunion isn’t permitted to publish Long’s GPA, but we’ve been told it’s “hilarious” by anonymous sources.

At press time, Long demanded that the most attractive press correspondents be in the front row, so as not to “sully his view.”

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