Photo by Emmy Sawch (CAS/COM '23)

Life is too short to have sex in normal places, like in a bed or a car. Here are five out of the ordinary places that really get me going:

  1. Temple of Doom (Indiana Jones)

Let me start off by saying I would feel safe having sex here because I am definitley not a virgin, meaning I wouldn’t have to worry about being sacrificied. This place has it all: steam to make you all hot and sweaty, a rock hard bed, and sexy red glow that will compliment any complexion. Instead of looking into the mirror you can look into the piercing gaze of Kali while you do the dirty deed (sex not human sacrifice).

  1. Ronald Reagan’s Grave

While some girls would want to have sex here as an ode to the republican institution, I want to have sex here for the opposite reason. I want to do positions so dirty that would shake the Reagans to their undead, conservative core. I’ll show him what real acting looks like while I star as a cowgirl on top of his grave.

  1. The Alamo

Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind getting sieged at The Alamo. The bullet holes from 200 years ago give a sense of danger that really put me in the mood. They say the place is haunted but I don’t mind an audience. It would be patriotic of me and all the more reason to remember The Alamo.

  1. The Amityville House

Green slime and strange odors would not turn me off from having sex here. Maybe the devil that resides here can levitate me in bed so I wouldn’t have to bring my own swing. While I do feel bad for the family’s unfortunate fate, I think my WAP is to die for.

  1. Coca-Cola Factory

There’s something sweet about fucking in the pinnancle of capitalism. As bottles get filled with pop, I’m trying to get popped and filled. At the end of this factory tour I want to be just like a spilt can of coke: sticky and sweet.

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