BOSTON — There’s a certain effervescent chill in the air in Boston this week. It’s not the frigid weather, though. He is here. Timothee Chalamet has entered Boston.
The atmosphere is already electric with anxiety as young men and women are readying their plan of action if they happen to come across the Oscar nominee and sexiest sickly Victorian-era orphan of all time. According to Kaylee Wright (COM ‘23), she knew exactly when Chalamet entered town without even checking Twitter.
“I felt a sudden fluttering feeling in my stomach and broke into a cold sweat. I knew something had shifted, and mercury is not yet in retrograde. I knew he was here,” Wright said.
Local fans are eager to see how Timothee will take to the city. Hopefully, the New England wind won’t blow him across town. Or maybe, it will simply go through him and evoke a windchime sound.
However, some people are not just hoping to run into Timmy, but planning on it. Determined fans have been camping out at every Brookline bagel shop in an effort to catch him in his natural habitat. The typical hunting attire includes black turtlenecks, Brandy Melville skirts, peacoats, and heeled boots paired with a black face mask that screams fashion, but still hot underneath.
“I’ve located loads of celebrities filming in the greater Boston area for the last 15 years. This scrawny, handsome rat-boy will be a piece of cake,” said Jenna McConnell, a veteran of the celeb stalking game. “He looks malnourished. He can’t run for long once I get to him.”
For many fans, the risk of catching COVID does not outweigh the reward: Timothee himself.
“If I am meeting Timothee, the mask is coming off. Sure, there’s a chance he gives me COVID, but then we could quarantine together,” said Wright with a disturbing look in her eyes. “He already gave all of NYU chlamydia, and this can’t be worse than that.”
While Boston University students focus their attention on Chalamet, the star studded cast of the film Don’t Look Up offers various other encounters with stars: For example, Leonardo DiCaprio if you want to discuss the imminent threat of climate change, or Jennifer Lawrence if you are still mentally trapped in 2012.