Mary Helen Smith – College of Typing ‘21
Dear 2021 Graduates, congratulations! My advice to you is to make friends in the right places, if you know what I mean. Make sure you find someone who knows their onions, if you catch my drift. In these times, we gotta be careful who we’re drinking the giggle water around, you get me?
Arthur Harold Gene – School of Diner Hospitality
Don’t listen to any of your softy parents. You won’t make a difference in this world. Get over it. Also, if you wanna avoid the draft, just tell the guy with the biggest hat your brother’s an alien.
Frank William Robertson – College of Manufacturing Ford, America’s Favorite Car ‘21
If I’ve learned anything in my century of life, it’s that cigarettes are better for you than vegetables.
Dorothy Marie Edwards – School of M.R.S. Degrees ‘21
Never tell him you love him. It gives him all the power. The second you tell him you love him, you’re dead. I never told my husband I loved him. We were married for 57 years. Cheated on each other the entire time. The way it should be.
John Charles Johnson – College of Engineering Refrigerators ‘21
If you’re ever in Skokie, make sure to go to Gary’s Sub Shop and tell him I sent ya. I met Gary back in 1953 at the adult Sock Hop. Best beefed tuna you’ll ever have.