BOSTON—It is with great pride and confidence that The Bunion officially endorses Insomnia Cookies as the slate of choice for Boston University’s Student Government.
The men and women of Insomnia Cookies, without receiving any special treatment beyond the agreed-upon terms, earn our support by being firm enough to tackle the university’s many issues, yet soft enough to crumble just right in a cool glass of milk.
They deserve not only your votes, but also your unwavering loyalty. And your convenience points.
“In this time of crisis, with tuition hikes and poor student representation, Boston University needs a slate that will listen to everyone’s concerns, even until 3 A.M. on a weeknight,” said Insomnia Cookies spokesperson Chip DeSugar. “We’ll take every one of your voices into account, even if only a baker’s dozen listened to you before.”
“Our government will hand-deliver the student body’s demands in 30 minutes or less,” DeSugar declared, pausing to graciously wipe spittle and crumbs from his face with a napkin. “That’s a guarantee.”
The Bunion, again, with no prompting from any monetary exchange, agrees wholeheartedly with every proposition from In$omnia Cookie$, the best choice to lead BU in 2014 and beyond.
“It’s difficult to comment right now,” confessed Kevin Helms, The Bunion’s editor-in-chief. “I’ve never held this much money in my hand at once.”
“I think these are gold? Diamond, maybe?” Helms continued, as he put on several bejeweled rings, all of which remain part of the perfectly legal exchanges outlined in the agreed-upon terms.
Though some students may believe that a corporate sponsor does not hold their interests in high regard, we ask you to rethink that belief while munching on this delicious double chocolate mint chip-flavored circle of mouthwatering goodness.
There you go. Feel better? We do.
At press time, everyone is hankering for some $weet, $avory cookies and knows just the place to go.