BAY STATE BROWNSTONES – Last Wednesday, Boston University facilities worker Frank Potter was called in to 189 Bay State Road for a routine “showerhead issue.” After arriving at the scene the usual three hours after the call, he entered the room, interrupting a screaming match between an upset couple. 

“Thank GOD you’re finally here,” said the girl’s roommate, Becca Lewis (CAS ‘22), who had been dealing with the couple’s shouting for hours.

Potter asked where he could find the bathroom, adding confidently that he would be able to replace the showerhead within minutes.

“What?” asked Trisha Peters (CFA ‘22). “There’s no bathroom here.”

Potter was rightfully perplexed, not knowing what to do next. Just before he opened his mouth to ask why he was there, Trisha screamed “JOHN’S SHOWERHEAD GAME IS WEAK!!”

John Showa (CAS 22’) responded quickly and aggressively, shouting “that’s because I TOLD YOU I DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING IT IN THE SHOWER!”

Potter stood there aimlessly, eyes wide, looking like a deer in the headlights. His training had simply not prepared him for this kind of encounter before. 

“I wanted to leave. But then I remembered what the ol’ facilities motto is,” said Potter. “Give your damndest 20% effort, or go home.”

Potter, who had dreams of being a judge since he was 7, tried to put his hobby to work. He sat down and listened to the couples’ quarrels for over an hour, with both sides presenting convincing arguments. After a quick snack break, the night resumed. A panel of BU facilities’ top workers arrived to weigh in on the matter.

Finally, at 2:30 AM, the issue was resolved. In a tight 5-4 vote, it was established that John would only proceed to give showerhead once every three weeks, but that maximum effort was required. Tommy Lister, a facilities worker, wrote a strong dissenting opinion.

“According to prior precedents, including the 2007 Jensen v. Sorto case, John should be giving head at least twice a week. Ignoring our past sends us into a very dangerous future,” Lister wrote. 

However, both parties ultimately signed off on the document, and facilities deservingly took the rest of the night off. 

In other news, a gas leak left nearly 50 students with severe injuries after a worried call to facilities was left unanswered.

Leave a Reply