ALLSTON, SATURDAY—As the sun set over West Campus, freshman suitemates Stacy (COM ’20), Lindsay (CAS ’20), Amy (CAS ’20), and Parvati (SED ’20) stepped off on their own misguided interpretation of a Women’s March.

The four girls had long-suffered grievances to confront. According to Parvati, “We are sick and tired of not getting absolutely sloppy drunk as soon as our classes end.” The girls didn’t do much large-scale organization, but they certainly did block traffic when they spontaneously jaywalked across Comm Ave at multiple points during the journey.

“I feel like we have the right to get into all kinds of shenanigans and then pile into an Uber XL. Maybe I’ll vom out the window while we’re still moving. Maybe I won’t. That’s my choice,” declared Lindsay, while stuffing emergency snacks into her purse.

The march route, heading to Allston, was a straight, purposeful line. The return route, however, got a bit muddled. The girls stopped to eat at T Anthony’s, and then made another stop at Insomnia Cookies when Stacy reportedly forgot that she had just eaten.

Esteemed speakers along the march route included Amy’s frat connection via speaker phone, letting the girls know to come in the back door of the house, and the night employee at Insomnia Cookies, imploring the girls to get home safe.

At press time, the four suitemates told The Bunion that it was too early to talk, but they’re planning a sister march for next weekend.

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