Photoshopped by Siria Coello (CAS '23).
Aidan Donovan (CAS '23)

Aidan is a Sophomore in CAS majoring in International Relations. He owns a random fact of the day calendar and is actively pursuing a lava lamp collection.

WEST CAMPUS–Bowing to high demand from the entire student population, BU administration has approved the construction of Student Village 3. Following the success of the nearly completed Jenga tower, Stuvi 3 will be mainly constructed using Lincoln Logs.

This comes as a surprise to most students, with many upset that the administration didn’t approve a new FitRec 2. Some suspect that the administration has ulterior motives, and that this is an attempt to appease CFA students with the unique arts and crafts design.

Other materials are in play as well. “Papier mâché, styrofoam and Playdough are all materials that will be an effective way of cutting costs.” said President Brown in an interview. “Since our endowment is only a meager $2.5 billion, we’ll make sure to rake in money lost by raising tuition prices again.” 

Logistics of the building have not been officially revealed. Some unofficial reports suggest construction will start underwater in the Charles River and a dock will be built for students to return to their dorms by boat after classes. The latest rumor claims CGS will be destroyed once and for all to clear the way for breaking ground.

“I really don’t know what to think,” said one student in West. “I was excited at first to start pregaming with friends in a brand new Stuvi, but now I’m worried the building may just fall over. I mean, they’re making the floors out of Legos!”

Construction will begin in 2035 and is expected to be completed in the year 2100. Residential prices will be roughly $100,000 for a double and $500,000 for a single. 

At press time, student activists have separately filed a petition to bring back Jamba Juice in the lobby.

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