Photoshopped by Kai Hellberg (COM '20)
Frank Hernandez (COM '20)

Frank is a senior from Puerto Rico studying journalism. His mom thinks he's pretty funny.

COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES—A new report done by researchers at the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences indicates that approximately no studying will be done during any of the four days Boston University allots for studying.

The “study period,” which lasts from May 3 to May 6, was originally meant to provide a respite for students to get their bearings and prepare for their finals. However, this new study shows that in recent years, only about 1% of the student body actually takes advantage of this period.

“To the surprise of myself and my colleagues, students, in reality, use the study period days to go out and explore the city or distract themselves with more trivial and idiotic Netflix shows,” said Dr. Martin Osborn, head researcher at the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences.

The study shows that an overwhelming majority of students feel “burnt out” after being “utterly ass-blasted by tyrannical professors” for a full entire semester. These students say that the study period allows them some time to forget about all the “all-nighters, coffee binges, and silent cries” they went through during the semester.

“I don’t intend on giving my professors the satisfaction of making me study,” said Justin Moore (CAS ‘20). “I’m living my life, enjoying the time I have on this beautiful green earth. The shackles of education that have kept me complacent bind me no longer. I am a man of worth, a man of liberty, and a man of agency. School has made me its bitch, but today, I take my leash. I am free. I am free. I. Am. Free.”

At press time, Moore and all the other students who participated in the study were seen cramming a full semester’s worth of information five minutes right before their finals.

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