CAS — Students were frantically taking notes in their 8am lecture last Thursday as Professor Adam Thune began a drunken 75 minute rant about his (newly) ex-wife. 

John Baker, a student in the class said, “honestly at this point none of us are sure what’s going to be on the final, so we’re gonna write everything he says down just to be safe.”

Before class, students were seen quizzing each other off of flashcards in an attempt to remember which insults specifically professor Thune had used to describe his ex-wife. Examples included matching “that witch” to a photo of his wife, and “people whose fault this is” to pictures of their two children.

Not all students are thrilled about the new direction of the class. Another student who asked to remain anonymous said, “I’m pretty good with the lecture stuff, but the homework is just insane. I mean, I’m scheduled to be surveilling his wife from the van from 2am until 8am. It’s exhausting.”

Professor Thune, who recently received tenure from Boston University, has announced that he will be teaching a variety of new courses next semester. These classes include “Drinking to Forget”, “Closing Off Your Emotions From the Outside World”, and “Driving Sober, and Other Modern American Myths”.

At press time, Mrs. Thune was last seen going to the gym, eating organically, getting a healthy amount of sleep, attending therapy, chatting with friends, and generally living her best life.

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