COMMONWEALTH AVE—A serendipitous bout of flurries has left students relieved that they don’t have to make an effort to cover their tears on their way to their scheduled Saturday make-up classes.
“Thank god, I was worried someone would see me like this,” Sam Lee (CAS ‘16) choked out between sobs. “As much as the snow has been a pain in the neck this whole winter, it’s nice to finally be able to put it to some good use.”
“The snow means that I can drag myself to class with dignity,” Thomas Aberdeen (CAS ’18) agreed. “And it’s not just helping us hide our tears, either. I saw one guy in the fetal position on corner of Silber Way, rocking back and forth and muttering something like, ‘One day weekend…. One day weekend…’ over and over.”
“Luckily, the slight dusting of snow on his curled up body made him a touch less of an eyesore,” Aberdeen continued.
While some students are grateful for the snow’s help, others believe that one day of kindness doesn’t excuse the snow’s behavior over the past few months.
“I mean, it’s least the snow could do.” Matthew Anderson, (CGS ’18) said while stomping down the street in snow shoes he thought he had put away for the year. “It’s the sole reason we have to go to these damn classes in the first place. I wanted to conduct experiments on the effects of CH3CH2OH on the human body in Allston last night; instead I ended up studying for a quiz on its isomers.”
Some are more than just disgruntled — many are claiming that wintery conditions have long outstayed their welcome.
“The Charles had almost reverted to a liquid again,” said Helena Suresh, (SED ’15) shaking her head in disgust. “And then to snow again on a craptastic day like this one? Looks like they can spare enough salt on the street to rub directly into our wounds.”
“This snow is like that one guy who still hangs around at his high school years after he’s graduated,” said Michelle Harwood, (COM ’17). “Now that we broke the record, it’s like, dude, what are you still doing here? Your job is done. Nobody wants to see you any more. Go home.”
At press time, who ever decided that yesterday was the first day of spring has collectively been determined to be the most hated person of the year.