Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21).
Liam Grogan (COM '23)

Liam Grogan is a Freshman in COM studying Film/TV, but if his parents ask he's studying business in Questrom...

Despite Black Friday still being weeks away, a “Students For Trump” group on campus has announced a huge 100% off sale at all businesses on campus, starting tonight.

Anxious shoppers looking to take advantage of the amazing deals should note that it will only be offered to customers carrying tiki torches and baseball bats, and it will require breaking a few windows before entering the store.

“We’re really excited to give this amazing shopping opportunity to everyone,” said one of the organizers of the event.  “People are so excited about the sale that they’ve started punching in windows and setting dumpsters on fire, so that’s really amazing to see.”

While police were originally scheduled to provide security for the event, it appears they may not have the resources to do so. 

“We barely have enough teargas for all of the peaceful protests in Boston Commons right now, so I don’t see how we can handle anything else on top of that,” said one officer.

While little police support is expected at the event, turnout among off-duty officers is expected to be high.

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