Photoshopped by Emmie Phillips (COM '22)

CAS 323B—Student Jack White (CGS ‘22) reports wishing his professor would shut up so he could concentrate on surfing the internet. White told The Bunion that focusing on the task at hand has become extremely difficult due to his professor’s incessant teaching.

“I find it very disrespectful that this man stands up, goes to the front of class and just starts blathering on,” said White. “Doesn’t he care that he’s disrupting our surfing environment?”

Fellow student Kylie Brooks (QST ‘22) shares White’s sentiments, as she reports being constantly distracted from her online shopping sprees. In fact, she missed a huge sale on Airpods by taking a few seconds to look up at whatever the professor insisted on writing on the board.

“Why even come to class if I can’t spend my time productively, making important bids on Ebay?” said Brooks. “I’m a business major, so these are the real-world skills I need.”

Several parents have found out about this in-class behavior and are threatening to pull their children out of classes. Said one concerned mother, “This is ridiculous. I ask my son to look up how to fix my Samsung, and he says he can’t because he’s in class. He says he can’t focus. Is this what I’m paying 70k for?”

At press time, the professor reported that he plans to reevaluate who he thinks he is.

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