Mary Knowles (SHA ’17) is currently on her way to Logan Airport, ready to depart for Orlando, completely unsuspecting of the fact that she will be spending her entire spring break standing in the security line.

“I’m so pumped to make new friends and just relax!” said Knowles, unaware that the only friends she’ll be making are Dave, the sleepy TSA agent in charge of her line, and a family of four taking their screaming toddlers to Disneyworld for the first time.

Knowles prides herself on the fact that she left an entire half hour early for the airport in order to make it on time for her flight.

“I just want to drink and bathe in the sun!” exclaimed Knowles, after an hour of waiting in the security line, oblivious to the fact that the only thing she would be drinking is her Gatorade that is over 3 ounces, which doesn’t meet TSA requirements.

Knowles is staying optimistic, despite the mere inch that the line has moved since her arrival.

“I think it’ll be nice to finally show off my bikini body!” said an innocent Knowles, unknowing that the only thing that will be seeing her bikini body would be the inside of her clothing.

At press time, Knowles was putting on flip flops, but only in preparation to slip them off when she finally gets to the metal detector on Friday.

Leave a Reply