COMMONWEALTH AVENUE—Sources reported that Rodney Silver (CAS ’17) pulled his earphone completely out of his ear outside the CAS building on Monday in order to say hello to his sociology classmate John Candoff (CAS 16’) who was on his way to the library.

“I didn’t mean to make eye contact,” says Candoff, “but once I did, I panicked and nodded my head in his direction, and it was all downhill from there. He pulled out his left earphone, and I knew I was going to have to stop and talk to him at that point, leaving me a whole two minutes off of my schedule.”

Another classmate of Silver’s, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that she had a similar interaction with him. “I didn’t think we were at that level, I thought we were more of ‘half eye contact with a closed mouth smile’ type of acquaintances, but he just went ahead and jumped right in. It was just way to friendly of him to ask me if I had a good break.”

A recent study shows that an overwhelming 90% of college students would prefer to zone out and pretend like they can’t see anyone while walking to class than engage in any sort of social interaction that might cause them to establish any kind of a relationship.

When asked to further elaborate on this sentiment, one student, John Stearns (COM ’15) said, “Listen, when I get on the T, I don’t want any of that willy nilly ‘how was your day, see you tomorrow, buddy’ poppycock. I just want to listen to my 2003 Eminem album so loud that I start to lose brain cells, because life is hard enough as it is, you know?”

Students like Rodney Silver are few and far in between these days, but the general college population remains hopeful that the number of interactions on Comm Ave will continue to decline exponentially.

At press time, Silver was attempting to engage a freshman on the BU Shuttle in a mediocre conversation about how it snows in Boston and will continue to snow in Boston.

Leave a Reply