CAS SIDEWALK—Sources supported stories of a student being sprayed with a sprinkler and subsequently slipping on the CAS sidewalk.

“I’ve never seen something so surprising,” said supposed spectator Samantha Santiago (SMG ’16). “He struck the sidewalk with such strength. I was sincerely startled!”

Sagan’s struggles stipulate sympathy. Sources substantiate the severity of the sprinklers’ squirting and say the sidewalk seemed slippery.

“I was strolling down the street when suddenly sprinklers splashed my suit,” stated Scott Sagan (CAS ’16), the soggy slipper. “I’ll see this sprinkler system is silenced sooner or later!”

Sagan was suitably incensed and supposes to sue the school for his suffering.

“I’ll spend the sum settling the hospital statement and ensuring sprinklers are safer for students.”

At press time, the soaked student was sulkily struggling to squeeze out his slippery slacks.

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