PRUDENTIAL CENTER—Eyewitness reports indicate that university student Bill Tucker (CAS ‘15), who accumulated a Grade Point Average of 1.3 last semester, pre-ordered Halo 4 yesterday afternoon.

Tucker, who did a terrible job in all of his classes last semester, was seen walking to the GameStop at the Prudential Center at 3:00 p.m. to pre-order the highly anticipated first-person shooting game by 343 Industries. “November 6th, bitches!” said Tucker, referring to the game’s release date which is three days before the last day to drop a class at BU. “I wonder if they’ll do a midnight release here,” he added.

Friends of Tucker say that he’s very much in danger of losing his scholarship and possibly having to leave the university. “Yeah, I’m kind of worried for him,” said Bobby Costigan (CAS ’15), Tucker’s roommate. “I hope he does okay this semester. He’s taking AR100.

Archaeology is a killer. Oh, wait, hold on, I’m getting a call from Bill,” said Costigan, who paused to answer his phone. “Hey, what’s up? Oh shit, you did? Dude, nice! November 6th! Can’t wait!”

Tucker’s professors are uncertain of how he’ll do this semester, sources confirm. “Bill who? Let me look him up on the roster,” said Professor Delia Stone, Tucker’s calculus professor. “Oh, I haven’t seen him in my lecture in two weeks. I assumed he dropped the class.”

Mr. and Mrs. Tucker seemed unaware of their son’s poor academic performance when reached for comment. “I talk to him once a week on the phone. I just put some more money in his bank account! I just hope my precious [Bill] has everything he needs to do well,” said a cheerful Mrs. Tucker, who is restricted from seeing her son’s grades due to the policies of FERPA.

Tucker, who paid $5 to reserve Halo 4, still has to pay $55 plus taxes upon purchase, and also stands to lose $20,000 in BU scholarship money if his grades do not improve, reportedly walked home from the Prudential Center, watched TV for two hours, played Modern Warfare 3 on Xbox Live, ate a crispy chicken wrap from the late night cafe in Warren Towers, and then went to bed without studying for his Spanish midterm.

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