STUDENT HEALTH—Student Health Services representatives confirmed today that the they are offering a flu vaccine to prevent the flu virus as well as extremely ineffective mental health services that do not prevent depression, anxiety or stress related health concerns.

“Student Health is proud to boast a medical department capable of delivering an effective flu vaccine to every student on campus and an underfunded, understaffed behavioral medicine department incapable of providing emotional support to students who desperately need it,” said a staff member at the front desk of the SHS office.

“We are committed to making sure that the flu shot is available to all of our students as often as possible” said Director of Student Health Services David McBride “It’s one of our main goals for this semester, along with not providing effective counseling resources to students.”

Many students have already received the vaccine for the flu, a common physical illness that university administration cares deeply about treating in all students, while many others are still seeking adequate resources for treating depression and anxiety, common mental illnesses which the university does not care as deeply about treating.

“The flu bug can spread quickly through the BU campus,“ said McBride. “Especially in study lounges during midterms. We’re committed to putting a stop to it.”

“And with excessive grade deflation, poor career services and increased tuition costs, anxiety and depression can spread quickly as well,” he added. “And we’re committed to appearing to a put a stop to that, too.”

The flu vaccine, which can be administered by any trained medical worker, is available to all university students at one of many flu vaccine clinics throughout the fall. Mental illness support, which can be administered by qualified therapists, is also available to all university students through under-qualified graduate students and a hotline.

“I feel horrible,“ said depressed, anxiety-ridden student Lydia Clayton (SMG ‘15). “I’m stressed about finding a job, paying back student loans, and grade deflation that hurts my market value. I feel horrible and sad all the time and I can’t complete my homework. Worst of all, I feel as if I have nobody to talk to about the complex emotions I feel.”

“But I don’t have the flu.” She added.

At press time, there is a flu vaccine clinic going on outside and Sharon is right here if you need to get anything off of your chest.

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