SCI—Biology major Derek Klein (CAS ‘18) noticed yesterday that despite the end of the semester quickly approaching, one of his classes has yet to use its textbook. The textbook is a gold plated copy of Mosquito Migration Patterns and You and has a diamond encrusted binding.

“It was at the top of the required reading list on the syllabus,” explained Klein. “So I bought it right away. I think my parents took on a second mortgage to pay for it.”

Klein paused before adding “It’d be nice to use it at some point.”

The pages of the textbook are made from sheets of ancient Egyptian parchment, and the ink was produced from a unique indigo concentrate found only in a solitary flower in the heart of the Sahara Desert.

“After a few weeks it was pretty clear we were mostly going to use Broad’s All-Inclusive Essentials and More of Biology as our main textbook,” Klein went on to say, “and it was also pretty clear that the class is about mammals and birds and not mosquitoes.”

There are few copies of Mosquito Migration Patterns and You remaining in the world, most of which have been passed across generations of royalty. Invaluable notes have been taken on their pages, offering priceless insights into the minds of many past monarchs and driving up pricing considerably from the demand of historians.

At press time, Mosquito Migration Patterns and You was selling on Amazon for about $110.57, which is frankly too much for a textbook.

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