CAS—Sources confirm that Brandon Hester (CAS ‘17) has overcome his fear of asking for help in his Early Modern Europe history class, and has finally made the journey to his professor’s office hours to be called an idiot.

Hester, who says he had meant to go to the available office hours and be called a stupid, lazy bum earlier in the semester, said that the experience was a relief.

“I can’t believe I waited this long to talk to my professor outside of class and have him give me a cold, hard stare before sighing heavily and shaking his head,” Hester said. “It’s amazing why I didn’t do this earlier.”

“Everyone who thinks its a waste of time should at least give it a try,” he continued. “Even something as small as asking about a comment on your essay, before your professor throws the whole thing in the garbage and berates your terrible work habits could work wonders.”

Other students agree that taking their tests to their professors’ office hours and being called unmotivated, vapid slackers to their faces has a direct effect on their test scores afterwards.

“I mean, that effect is usually I score even worse, but whatever,” said Gail DeFranco (CAS ’16). “Sure, I can try to start doing my essays more than an hour before they’re due, like my professor said, but what does he know about learning the material better?”

“Besides, I think his hair is somehow grayer each time I see him, and I think it’s a great look.”

Hester’s professor could not be reached for further comment after he erupted into an expletive-laden tirade upon hearing the mention of Hester’s name.

At press time, Hester was merrily reading his class T.A.’s email reply to his homework question and trying to get rid of the attached virus.

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