GSU—Reports have indicated that a student event being held over Columbus Day weekend will be attended by three people.

“Come to Spread The Wealth’s charity auction!” said Brian Davidson (COM ‘14), referring to the event which will occur in BU Central at 9:00 PM this Saturday.

“We’ve been planning this event for months, getting lots of cool item donations from local businesses,” said Davidson. “I can’t wait!”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll go home this weekend,” said Mary Jones (ENG ’16) to herself while passing by Davidson’s table in the GSU where he was handing out flyers while holding an elaborate poster that he stayed up all night making.

“What’s this? A potluck?” said Tim Kanovich (CAS ’15), before throwing the flyer away.

“See you there! I can’t wait!” said John Cavanaugh (SMG ’16), one of the three people who will be attending the event and winning one third of the items being auctioned.

Early reports indicated that as many as 6 people would be coming to the event, which was later proven to be falsified. “I RSVPed, but I can’t make it,” said Davidson’s friend Jerry Cruise (CAS ’14). “I’m going home for the weekend.”

“I think everyone that comes to the event tomorrow at 9:00 PM is going to be really happy with how it turns out,” said Davidson, who will likely be very upset tomorrow at 9:00 PM.

At press time, Davidson was tweeting about the event in all capital letters to 40 twitter followers.

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