BOSTON—Various reports have indicated that, as last week came to an end, local student Stephen Conway (ENG ‘13) celebrated a week-long Spring Break filled with partying and alcohol consumption with a festive St. Patrick’s Day weekend filled with partying and alcohol consumption.

Like Conway, many students of Boston University were glad to welcome Spring Break after an onslaught of mid-terms. “I was so happy to be done with all those exams,” said Conway. “After so much studying, I didn’t care about the dynamics of fluids, I just wanted to drink a lot of them.”

After his last final on Friday, Conway traveled to a beach house in Florida with some friends. “We had a lot of fun. We went out to a bunch of bars, a couple of nightclubs, and played beer pong at some apartment parties. One night there was a really beautiful sunset with a totally clear sky. Getting really drunk on the beach while watching that was a great night.”

Despite the fun he had, Conway says he was glad to return to his apartment on BU campus Friday afternoon. “I mean, Miami was great, but there’s no way I was gonna miss a Boston St. Patrick’s Day. I even came home extra early to make Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes, whatever those are.”

Witnesses say that Conway was visibly intoxicated from the time he returned home until late Sunday night when he fell asleep on top of his friend’s dresser.

“That guy can fall asleep anywhere,” said Conway’s roommate. “How did he even get up there?”

At press time, sources have confirmed that Conway was not in attendance for a single one of his classes today.

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