Photoshopped by Jacob Cohen (COM '22)
Caroline Koehl (CAS '22)

Caroline Koehl is a second year student from Minneapolis, MN. She is studying International Relations and Environmental Analysis & Policy.

BUPD recently uncovered a fake BU ID ring on campus, and police suspect minors were obtaining the IDs to, among other things, experiment with the new soda fountains in the dining halls. Yesterday, the Department has announced the name of the suspected ringleader, Greg Sampson (QST ‘20).

While the BUPD has named Sampson as their “most wanted criminal” on campus, Sampson, in an exclusive interview with The Bunion from an undisclosed location, describes himself as a “self-starting, entrepreneurial small business owner.”

While BUPD has announced in their recent press briefing that Sampson is facing 25 to life for his “serious crime,” Sampson said in his apology statement that he “doesn’t really understand why this is even a crime.”

When asked about the origins of his “small business,” Sampson said it all started when his little brother and his friends wanted access to student discounts at the mall. Soon enough, Sampson had a complete monopoly on the fake BU ID market, making dozens of dollars per year.

While one of Sampson’s high school-aged buyer said that she successfully got into the dining hall a couple of times, she said that the “bouncer” at the door eventually took her ID and turned her away.

“It’s okay, I’m kind of over the whole Warren Dining scene at this point,” said the student anonymously.

At press time, Sampson had shut down his fake BU ID manufacturing business, though he continues his main business of selling meth.

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