Photoshopped by Jacob Cohen (COM '22)
David Hou (CAS '22)

David is a freshman from Rowland Heights, CA (just outside of LA!) studying Medical Science in the College of Arts and Sciences.

BAY STATE ROAD—Amid rising spring temperatures, the shrinking pile of snow behind Bay State Road has made a defiant last stand for survival by taking several students hostage.

The pile of snow, who has not been identified by authorities, is located behind Bay State Road near Blandford Street. It first appeared after a snowstorm in March and has persisted through the past few weeks as temperatures have warmed.

Yesterday, the pile began holding approaching students hostage, many of whom attempted to lick their way out of the ice, only to become more stuck to the snow.

The Boston University Police Department has issued a university-wide alert over the escalating crisis, announcing a “Code Snow White” effective immediately.

“We will not dignify the pile of snow by identifying it or giving it a name,” stated BUPD Chief Huh Okae at a press conference. “Students, stay away from the area until we send you 57 text messages and 23 voicemails saying all is clear. And please, if you still have that snowball you saved in your freezer from the winter, throw it out immediately before it kills you.”

While the situation is being resolved, university administrators are praising the situation as a positive event that is impacting student life.

“We’re thrilled that these BU students are the first to take part of our Snow Hostage Program,” wrote Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore in an email to The Bunion. “With this immersive experience right on campus, we will be able to eliminate our Iceland Study Abroad programs and just charge $9,000 to walk by The Towers.”

When approached by The Bunion, the pile of snow had no immediate comment other than a low growl.

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