NICKERSON FIELD—Sources close to The Bunion have confirmed that most, if not all, email lists from Splash 2018 containing the names, emails, BUIDs, and phone numbers of BU students have been sold to controversial political data firm Cambridge Analytica.

“Of course I sold them the email list,” said Jake Masterson (CAS ‘19), eboard member of BU’s Alianza Latina. “The only thing I regret is not having more email lists to sell them.”  

“Cambridge Analytica offered us $10 in convenience points and 15% off on our next order of Domino’s,” said Peter Karplowitz (SAR ‘20), general manager of the Nutrition and Dietetics Club, “and like any self-respecting ethical human being, I said no.”

“But when, they offered us an additional 5% off Domino’s, you better know I gave them those emails in a heartbeat,” added Karplowitz. “Dude, 20% off plus the 50% off by using the TERRIER code? Bro, that’s practically free pizza.”  

“Honestly, I’m not sure why we didn’t think of selling email lists before,” said Pablo Marques (COM ‘19), eboard member of the Typewriting Club. “I guess some of us felt bad for those starry-eyed freshmen. I mean it wasn’t long ago when we were in their shoes: afraid and alone in a new place, just trying to figure out who we were; unwillingly ready to face everyday challenges and hopefully, just hopefully, make some friends along the way…”

“But fuck ‘em, I’d do anything for 25 cents off my laundry.”

At press time, Cambridge Analytica has yet to reveal what they intend to do with the bought data, however some BU Engineering Club recruits have reported seeing ads on Facebook for group therapy sessions.

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