WEST CAMPUS—The BU Panhellenic Council is calling for a high summit of all of the members of all of BU’s sororities, according to a statement released this week. The Council seeks to end hostility between members of the Greek life community by settling the issue of who has the best little once and for all.
“We have been divided for too long,” writes Penny Tyson (COM ’14), chairperson for the Panhellenic Council. “Don’t you see this fighting is so futile? We must unite, pull ourselves together, and have an intelligent discussion about this important matter that affects us all.”
“These arguments can get pretty heated. I was really hurt when I saw what JamiesBiggie LovesherLittle wrote on Facebook the other day,“ said a sorority member who wished to remain anonymous. “I ended up arguing with her online for a while telling her that I loved my little, Stephanie, way more than she loved Jamie. Things get a little hazy after that, but I remember waking up a few hours later with my face buried in a salad in the dining hall.”
“It’s just hard for me to control myself when I’ve got so much love for the absolute greatest little in the whole wide world,” the girl added.
“A divided community can’t thrive,” said Council Chairperson Tyson in an exclusive interview. “This is a trying time for representatives of Greek life at Boston University, and we need to move forward and unite the community instead of breaking it down with petty arguing. That’s why this summit is so important, so I can get everybody in one room to tell them all at once that they’re all wrong and that my little, Trisha, is the greatest little that has ever existed in the history of existence.”
According to another spokesperson of the Panhellenic Council, the summit will take place next Saturday and will last for three straight months. The venue is as of yet undetermined, but spectator tickets will be available soon for $5. Proceeds from ticket sales will benefit The Ronald McDonald House and the Alzheimer’s Association.