COM LAWN—Clara Smith (COM ‘21) was spotted yesterday swiping idly through her Tinder account when a Bunion source noticed a pattern.

“There were some perfectly nice people she was swiping right on,” Smith’s friend, Amy Perez (CAS ‘21) commented. “Well, I assume they’re nice, but how can you know if you take one look at their college and swipe right?”

Smith shrugged. “I’m only here for the Harvard and MIT grads,” she explained boredly. “I’m a Film & TV major. We all know we’re gonna be broke af. And those who don’t are just fooling themselves, or they’re already poor and they’re just used to it or whatever.”

We watched as she swiped right on a Harvard student. His every picture was him with a dissected frog, except for the last one which was him shaking hands with Obama.

“Cha-ching,” Smith concluded.

“She’s got a point,” said Joseph Spade (COM ‘20) as applause broke out among a crowd of supporters that had gathered around the young go-getter. Another supporter was a TV Business Management professor, who vowed to add this valuable lesson to his boring curriculum.

At press time, across the river in Harvard Square, confused nerds suddenly had match notifications.

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